Happy hour at the Abacus

Brrrrr! It's cold outside! So grab one of these printouts, come inside, and warm up with us at the Abacus. It's Brooklyn's best and most complicated happy hour!

Well Drinks Just $3! starting at 3 p.m. and then increasing in increments of twenty-seven cents every four minutes until 4 p.m.!

PBR in a Can Only $1! starting at 3:30 p.m. and then stopping at 3:32 p.m., but re-starting at 3:38 p.m. only to stop again at 3:44 p.m. unless in the interim you won a PBR Extension Token by solving the one of the riddles hidden inside in the wood carvings in the East Wall! Ask your bartender if you need a magnifying glass and/or a Guide to Greek Mythological Symbols.

All Other Domestic Beers Are Just $2! from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. except on Tuesdays and Wednesdays when the cost is determined by the overall amount of cash in possession of all patrons of the bar divided by the number of patrons, the value of which is inserted into the Abacus Logarithmic Price Engager, a computer that produces the current value of each domestic beer based on the previously mentioned factors plus the overall American market value of domestic beer. Of course, this value changes each time a person enters or exits the bar or spends money. So stay a while!

Wine by the Glass Only $3! when you pay entirely in nickels minted during or before the year 1995.

We Have a Classic Jukebox! the music catalog of which is switched out in its entirety every three minutes and forty-two seconds and requires knowledge of the computer language BASIC to operate.

And Darts! which you have to play three games of Axis and Allies and then Settlers of Cataan to be able to use.

And Pickles at the Bar! which you must eat by using a pulley system.


So come on in, Brooklyn! Have a happy hour (or four) with us at the Abacus! You won't want to leave and you won't be able to because the exit is so fully protected with mind-boggling and physically challenging puzzles that only two people have ever completed them!