"Hey, has this ever happened to you? You're molting, right? You've shed your exoskeleton, slithered out of it with that funny little dance – you know what I mean. And now you're eating it for nutritive value, and you're almost done and then you're like, 'Oh, man! I left my wallet in there!' Am I right?"
"Tell me if you know a lobster like this: He comes crawling up to you while you're trying to feed and says, 'Hey, man, can I have a little of that? My dominant claw is tired.' And I'm like, 'Yeah, I just spent ten minutes dismantling this isopod so you could have some.' You know what I'm sayin'?"
"So, the other day, I'm crawling along the ocean floor, as usual, when I see a predator. So, of course I start to swim backwards by rapidly curling and uncurling my abdomen, right? And then I hear my friend Larry call out, 'Hey, bro, could you help me move this rock over here? I'm trying to build a temporary shelter.' And I'm like, 'Uh, I'd love to, Larry, but I'm a little busy trying not to get eaten alive here! Okay?' I mean, seriously!"
"Man, it sucks getting caught, am I right? I mean, how annoying are these rubber bands around your claws, you know? It's like … wait, what the hell is that? You guys, it's an enormous hand. Guys, it's coming for me! I'm serious! Do something! This is not a goddamn joke! Get off of me! Get off! Noooooooo! … Oh by the way, my name is Seth Hefgllllppp…" [gurgling noises followed by the terrified silence of the grocery store tank]
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