For approximately four years and four months, I have really enjoyed writing this blog. When I first moved to New York City, it was the way I tried to explain to myself and to anyone who cared to read just what the hell was going in my life. In the second and third semesters of my MFA, it was a form of writing that didn't make me feel like a total goddamn fraud. As I entered my thesis semester and, later, continued writing my novel, it became a dedicated outlet for the strange and funny ideas that didn't fit elsewhere. And then, over the next two years, it was a daily attempt at real humor writing, something I felt I was actually, finally getting the hang of.
Now I feel like I'm entering a new phase. I recently acquired a for-real literary agent. My old pals Dusty and Lindsay, for four years and four months now my comrades in slightly alienated New York living, are moving to North Carolina. And, at least for the moment, I tire of blogging.
Life does not change in neat four-year increments, of course. But it is a convenient way of thinking about things. High School. College. Becoming a Writer. Each lasted about four years, and during each of those four-year increments I was New and Scared, then Slightly More Familiar But Still Scared, then Pretty Familiar and Less Scared and Kind of Happy, then Very Familiar and Still Scared But Also Kind of Confident and Happy.
The main difference this time is that I don't know exactly where I'm going next. After high school, I was going to UGA. After UGA, I was going to New York City. But now I'm still in New York City, and I plan to be here for some time, and there isn't a definite Next Thing. I hope that a big part of it will be the publication of my book, but that's not a sure thing; in fact, it's an unsure thing. I know I'd like to perform more, but I'm not sure in what capacity. I'd like to write different things, but I don't know form they'll take.
So I need some time. To think and work. And writing stories about overly polite werewolves and demonic high school mascots takes time, and think, and work. Sometimes a surprising amount of time and think and work! In the coming months, then, I'll be revising my novel, continuing to perform sketch comedy, and ... doing something else other than blogging.
Sorry if this seems sudden! I wasn't even sure I was going to do this until this week. And I'm not giving up blogging for good! I'm sure I'll bloviate here again, or maybe in some other form, and maybe even sooner than I think. When I come back, I'll let you know.
And to anyone who has looked at this thing at some point over the past four years and four months, thank you. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you had fun reading it.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The final journal entry of Sir Victor Eely Cosgrove, Antarctic explorer
January 12, 1907
Alas! And Damnation! It seems that the name of Sir Victor Eely Cosgrove shall not be remembered in History as the first man to set foot at the Southern Pole of the Earth. Despite every man's valiant efforts, especially my own, the few of us of the Cosgrove Expedition who yet survive have reached the End. Or, rather, the End is upon us.
For we could have done little or nothing to forstall it! Our Thermometers have recorded ungodly temperatures of negative sixty-one degrees! There is no Vegetation whatsoever! All of our dogs, horses, pigs, cows, goats, parrots, and honeybees have perished! Even the Elephants died!
How could any man, even one as learned as I, prepare or plan for such truly Hellish conditions? Trust my Word when I say that I scoured our extensive traveling Library for weeks, searching for any helpful accounts or words of advice, while my men waited patiently outside for my Wisdom. Of course, I found nothing of immediate use, as I had included selections primarily from the Prose and Poetry of my personal collection. I did, however, gain moral Strength from a two-day excursion up the great heights of Tolstoy's War and Peace.
Invigorated, I delivered a great Oration from the steps of the Library. The chill, unceasing wind seemed to cut my face as I spoke, but I carried on, for a Leader of men must give them reason to follow him. As I came to the conclusion of my Speech, I also came to the realization that the more cowardly three-quarters of my men had deserted! While I was in the Library, devising our Strategy, these spineless creatures quite simply slunk away!
I am proud to record that in that moment, I laughed. For a true Leader and Explorer carries on no matter what, but is grateful when any hindrance, including twenty-six of his least trustworthy crew members, leaves him so that he may carry on with greater ease.
Additionally, they had left behind the hot-air Balloon! And the Cannons! And the Great Ice Drill! And the surviving Yak! What fools! These Instruments would be essential to our scientific Exploration and to the suppression of any Native Peoples, and the Yak would be useful for Nourishment. I ordered the remaining members of the Cosgrove Expedition to don their chain-mail and follow me to the Center of the Continent, where warmer temperatures, food, the company of men, and Fame awaited us.
So any reasonable man would have assumed. How was I, or any mortal, to anticipate just how damned big this Continent is? How could any man conceive of such endless, flat snow, and nothing more in any direction? Even as I look out upon it at this moment, I cannot believe my eyes. I am stuck in Hell, and for no Sin at all!
And let me record this statement for History: Cannibalism is not a sin! As long as one's brothers are willing, and Theo and Henry both were more than willing for me to shoot them, then how can it be sinful to consume the flesh of one's brethren? It is Kindness. It is Leadership, for the Leader must carry on, no matter what. He must carry on until he is alone at the end of the World.
The cold is stiffening my fingers, and I find it difficult to write. Lord, please remove me from this earthly Hell, and take me to Heaven, though I have not believed before this Moment. The hot-air Balloon is almost full of Gas, and I will ascend in it, so that you may pluck me from the Sky.
One final note: I predict that no Man will ever reach the Pole. Or, if he does so, it will only be accomplished with more, and sturdier, Yaks.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Top Ten Favorite Albums 2K9
Man, this year was rough. I won't bother to recap all the shared harshnesses of 2009, but it feels like the whole world just needs to gulp some Nyquil, fall into bed with its clothes on, and rest this shit off.
Thankfully, there was some excellent music to get us through. Though my list of favorite album candidates wasn't as large as it was last year, the albums that made the cut were not only great, but almost endlessly replayable. Which was a good thing, because a lot of hyper-hyped music really fizzled for me throughout 2009.
BUT. Let's move past the disappointments. Because a lot of good shit happened this year, too.
For example:
10. Dirty Projectors, Bitte Orca. "Stillness is the Move" is what saved this album for me. The fourth track on Bitte Orca, it sounds like what would happen if a disgruntled studio tech stripped four pretty good pop songs for parts and rearranged them to amuse himself late at night. The composition somehow pronounces each element of the music while simultaneously fusing them into a greater whole. The thing is: this is pretty much how the whole album sounds. I just didn't comprehend it, even on a subconscious level, until I'd been hooked by this song. And it's what makes this album frustrating, endearing, memorable, and even kind of danceable.
9. The-Dream, Love Vs Money. After reading a Rolling Stone article hyping this dude, I was skeptical, but I checked him out nevertheless. As it turns out, he's got the goods: sticky beats, anthemic choruses, and affectingly lovelorn lyrics. Dude even dares to turn the middle section into a miniature concept album with a three-song stretch about a relationship gone vile, but damned if he doesn't pull it off. Love Vs Money is seemingly generic, but actually impressive.
8. Regina Spektor, Far. I can see why some folks wouldn't like Regina Spektor's music. Her lyrics are often cutesy, and the frequency with and degree to which she contorts her voice reminds me of this dude I had classes with my sophomore year at UGA, who would walk the halls of the English department, loudly and skillfully whistling unidentifiable music that was probably from fantasy role-playing games. I mentally threw daggers at him all that year, with attached messages that read, "YOU CAN WHISTLE REAL GOOD WHAT'S THAT FROM? LET'S BE FRIENDS!"
Anyway, unlike my English dept. friend's show-offery, Spektor's contortions make sense in context. Along with her cutesiness comes a wonderment: at the small, meaningful gestures people make, at the strange details that stick in our heads, at the way we make each other feel. Her vocal wanderings indicate a sense of being overwhelmed by it all, and that the only way to release the tension is to just open your mouth and sing. I can see why some people would mind that, but I don't.
7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It's Blitz!. "Shake it, like a ladder to the sun." Those are some of my favorite lyrics of the year, and they kick off the Yeah Yeah Yeahs It's Blitz!, and the music that follows them fulfills that imperative. On their third album, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs grow confidently, expanding their sound to include an electro-dance influence that fits perfectly with their growly, shrieky, melodic rock. With an attitude like theirs, within twenty years they will have expanded their sonic empire to include New Wave, R&B, and even Bluegrass. I welcome our future aural masters.
6. Neko Case, Middle Cyclone. Neko Case is a powerful alt-country sorceress and I am in her thrall.
5. Mika, The Boy Who Knew Too Much. I liked Mika's previous album, but it seemed too silly to connect with on an emotional level. So why did I love this album, when it is just as silly? Well, the silliness seems a lot more personal this time, for one. On "We Are Golden," the best song on the album and one of my favorite songs of the year, Mika sings about "teenage dreams" and "We are not what you think we are/We are golden, we are golden" so passionately over such triumphant musical arrangements that you get the sense that he's wanted to sing this song for a long time.
And if the rest of the songs don't have quite the same personal urgency, they do have ridiculously catchy hooks. This is pop music that is proud to be pop music, which makes it a pleasure and a thrill to listen to.
4. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart. It's the twee-est album of the year, so of course I love it. But, of course, if it were just twee, I would hate it. Get over the dorky, jokey song titles (e.g. "Young Adult Friction," "The Tenure Itch") and just listen to the music, and you'll hear some really lovely guitar melodies and an engaging vocal dynamic between the male and female singers. Like Mika, the Pains wear their hearts on their album sleeve (sorry, I had to!), and they aren't ashamed of it.
3. Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. Were there any better songs this year than "Lisztomania" and "1901"? I submit that there were not! And Phoenix created them both, and put them side by side as the openers to their album. Was that a mistake? Well, most people probably don't care, but for 1,000-year-old men such as myself who insist on listening to albums from start to finish, it may have been. Even though this album features fantastic songs such as "Fences," "Lasso," and "Girlfriend," they all pale in comparison to the two best songs of the year that precede them. It's as if the first two tracks on Stankonia had been "B.O.B." and "Ms. Jackson." Of course, Stankonia came out nine years ago (sidenote: SERIOUSLY?), when people still bought CDs.
Whatever. This is a ridiculously good collection of songs, no matter what order you put them in.
2. Röyksopp, Junior. Röyksopp makes music that sounds like the future. That's the most concise and accurate way to describe what they do, and it's probably their mantra. "Okay," they say to each other in Norwegian, as they settle themselves into the cold metal chairs in their taxpayer-provided MüsikStudiø in Bergen. "Let's make some shit that sounds like the future."
The result is, as you might expect, atmospheric and slickly produced, but it's also poignant. Other than the peppy opening track, "Happy Up Here," the songs on this album suggest loss and longing and even, occasionally, transcendence, much like Sigur Rós's music can. The difference is that Sigur Rós sounds like what has already happened to you, while Röyksopp sounds like what will happen to you.
1. Passion Pit, Manners. This pick came as a surprise to me. Going into my end-of-the-year relistening jaunt, I had fully expected to come out on the other side with Phoenix's album still at number one in my mind. But it had been a while since I had fully listened to Manners.
It's still a really exciting album, nearly a year after its release. Lord knows I love a good jam, and Manners features the jam of the year, "Little Secrets." (Note: Their MySpace URL name is passionpitjams. Cool!) I remember Ta-Nehisi Coates, one of my favorite political bloggers (who also blogs about culture), said that he liked Passion Pit but that this album was all high notes. I disagree. True, some songs on Manners are just plain gleeful, but many of them also have a strong undercurrent of anxiety. I say this without being able to recite even a significant fraction of the lyrics; the tension is all there in the slow, steady, stretchy beats and in lead singer Michael Angelakos's yearning voice.
This is a complex, inspiring, unique album, and it's my favorite of the year.
Thankfully, there was some excellent music to get us through. Though my list of favorite album candidates wasn't as large as it was last year, the albums that made the cut were not only great, but almost endlessly replayable. Which was a good thing, because a lot of hyper-hyped music really fizzled for me throughout 2009.
BUT. Let's move past the disappointments. Because a lot of good shit happened this year, too.
For example:
10. Dirty Projectors, Bitte Orca. "Stillness is the Move" is what saved this album for me. The fourth track on Bitte Orca, it sounds like what would happen if a disgruntled studio tech stripped four pretty good pop songs for parts and rearranged them to amuse himself late at night. The composition somehow pronounces each element of the music while simultaneously fusing them into a greater whole. The thing is: this is pretty much how the whole album sounds. I just didn't comprehend it, even on a subconscious level, until I'd been hooked by this song. And it's what makes this album frustrating, endearing, memorable, and even kind of danceable.
9. The-Dream, Love Vs Money. After reading a Rolling Stone article hyping this dude, I was skeptical, but I checked him out nevertheless. As it turns out, he's got the goods: sticky beats, anthemic choruses, and affectingly lovelorn lyrics. Dude even dares to turn the middle section into a miniature concept album with a three-song stretch about a relationship gone vile, but damned if he doesn't pull it off. Love Vs Money is seemingly generic, but actually impressive.
8. Regina Spektor, Far. I can see why some folks wouldn't like Regina Spektor's music. Her lyrics are often cutesy, and the frequency with and degree to which she contorts her voice reminds me of this dude I had classes with my sophomore year at UGA, who would walk the halls of the English department, loudly and skillfully whistling unidentifiable music that was probably from fantasy role-playing games. I mentally threw daggers at him all that year, with attached messages that read, "YOU CAN WHISTLE REAL GOOD WHAT'S THAT FROM? LET'S BE FRIENDS!"
Anyway, unlike my English dept. friend's show-offery, Spektor's contortions make sense in context. Along with her cutesiness comes a wonderment: at the small, meaningful gestures people make, at the strange details that stick in our heads, at the way we make each other feel. Her vocal wanderings indicate a sense of being overwhelmed by it all, and that the only way to release the tension is to just open your mouth and sing. I can see why some people would mind that, but I don't.
7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It's Blitz!. "Shake it, like a ladder to the sun." Those are some of my favorite lyrics of the year, and they kick off the Yeah Yeah Yeahs It's Blitz!, and the music that follows them fulfills that imperative. On their third album, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs grow confidently, expanding their sound to include an electro-dance influence that fits perfectly with their growly, shrieky, melodic rock. With an attitude like theirs, within twenty years they will have expanded their sonic empire to include New Wave, R&B, and even Bluegrass. I welcome our future aural masters.
6. Neko Case, Middle Cyclone. Neko Case is a powerful alt-country sorceress and I am in her thrall.
5. Mika, The Boy Who Knew Too Much. I liked Mika's previous album, but it seemed too silly to connect with on an emotional level. So why did I love this album, when it is just as silly? Well, the silliness seems a lot more personal this time, for one. On "We Are Golden," the best song on the album and one of my favorite songs of the year, Mika sings about "teenage dreams" and "We are not what you think we are/We are golden, we are golden" so passionately over such triumphant musical arrangements that you get the sense that he's wanted to sing this song for a long time.
And if the rest of the songs don't have quite the same personal urgency, they do have ridiculously catchy hooks. This is pop music that is proud to be pop music, which makes it a pleasure and a thrill to listen to.
4. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart. It's the twee-est album of the year, so of course I love it. But, of course, if it were just twee, I would hate it. Get over the dorky, jokey song titles (e.g. "Young Adult Friction," "The Tenure Itch") and just listen to the music, and you'll hear some really lovely guitar melodies and an engaging vocal dynamic between the male and female singers. Like Mika, the Pains wear their hearts on their album sleeve (sorry, I had to!), and they aren't ashamed of it.
3. Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. Were there any better songs this year than "Lisztomania" and "1901"? I submit that there were not! And Phoenix created them both, and put them side by side as the openers to their album. Was that a mistake? Well, most people probably don't care, but for 1,000-year-old men such as myself who insist on listening to albums from start to finish, it may have been. Even though this album features fantastic songs such as "Fences," "Lasso," and "Girlfriend," they all pale in comparison to the two best songs of the year that precede them. It's as if the first two tracks on Stankonia had been "B.O.B." and "Ms. Jackson." Of course, Stankonia came out nine years ago (sidenote: SERIOUSLY?), when people still bought CDs.
Whatever. This is a ridiculously good collection of songs, no matter what order you put them in.
2. Röyksopp, Junior. Röyksopp makes music that sounds like the future. That's the most concise and accurate way to describe what they do, and it's probably their mantra. "Okay," they say to each other in Norwegian, as they settle themselves into the cold metal chairs in their taxpayer-provided MüsikStudiø in Bergen. "Let's make some shit that sounds like the future."
The result is, as you might expect, atmospheric and slickly produced, but it's also poignant. Other than the peppy opening track, "Happy Up Here," the songs on this album suggest loss and longing and even, occasionally, transcendence, much like Sigur Rós's music can. The difference is that Sigur Rós sounds like what has already happened to you, while Röyksopp sounds like what will happen to you.
1. Passion Pit, Manners. This pick came as a surprise to me. Going into my end-of-the-year relistening jaunt, I had fully expected to come out on the other side with Phoenix's album still at number one in my mind. But it had been a while since I had fully listened to Manners.
It's still a really exciting album, nearly a year after its release. Lord knows I love a good jam, and Manners features the jam of the year, "Little Secrets." (Note: Their MySpace URL name is passionpitjams. Cool!) I remember Ta-Nehisi Coates, one of my favorite political bloggers (who also blogs about culture), said that he liked Passion Pit but that this album was all high notes. I disagree. True, some songs on Manners are just plain gleeful, but many of them also have a strong undercurrent of anxiety. I say this without being able to recite even a significant fraction of the lyrics; the tension is all there in the slow, steady, stretchy beats and in lead singer Michael Angelakos's yearning voice.
This is a complex, inspiring, unique album, and it's my favorite of the year.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
A confession
To: Vanessa Gray
From: Neal Cartish
Subject: hey
Vanessa,
How was the concert? Did you see Morrissey's tonsils, like you hoped? Haha, I hope so.
Anyway. I know email is maybe a weird way to do something like this, but I really have started to like you a lot, and I think you kinda like me a little too (hehe). And so there's something about me that you need to know. It doesn't change anything about us, or what we have or anything. Basically, I have SHCD. That's Spontaneous Human Combustion Disorder, in case you weren't familiar with it.
Just to kind of explain, SHCD is
From: Neal Cartish
Subject: hey
Vanessa,
How was the concert? Did you see Morrissey's tonsils, like you hoped? Haha, I hope so.
Anyway. I know email is maybe a weird way to do something like this, but I really have started to like you a lot, and I think you kinda like me a little too (hehe). And so there's something about me that you need to know. It doesn't change anything about us, or what we have or anything. Basically, I have SHCD. That's Spontaneous Human Combustion Disorder, in case you weren't familiar with it.
Just to kind of explain, SHCD is
Monday, December 07, 2009
Awkward Semaphore Conversations: Toys
Excuse me. Santa?
Ho ho ho! Yes, little Nartibart?
Santa, I was just wondering, and I don't mean any offense or anything at all, but why do we always make so many hobby horses and rag dolls and jack-in-the-boxes every year?
Ho ho ho! Why, little Nartibart, the answer is simple: because children love them!
Well, that's the thing, though. I don't think they do? They like Pokemon and little computer animals and stuff. I think they'd be totally bored with these old...
Poke-a-what? Oh, Nartibart, you are silly! Children adore rag dolls and little wooden soldiers and spinning tops! They always have and they always will!
Santa, have you even seen any new toys in the past hundred years? Toys are completely different now! They talk. They light up. They aren't made of wood. When you deliver these old trinkets you're embarrassing yourself! That's why all these parents are buying their own gifts for their children nowadays. I'm just trying to...
Ho ho ho! Nartibart, I know what you're trying to do! You're trying to usurp me! Well, it's not...
No, Santa! That's not my intention at all. I just wanted to...
Shhh, Nartibart, shhh. Maybe this revolver is advanced enough for you? There. That should put some sense into you, you silly little elf!
Santa...?
Ho ho ho! Don't pout! The spirit of Christmas will heal you, I'm sure. Now I must be off! To the Whirligig Room!
Friday, December 04, 2009
Tnet Holiday Gift Guide
Whether you're shopping online or in the store, finding the perfect holiday gift can be tough. With a seemingly endless choice of gadgets in every category, how do you know which one is the best for your budget? Well, don't worry, Tnet is here to help. We've picked our favorite tech gifts for this season so you don't have to!
Check out our picks below. You'll be sure to find something just right for your friends and family.
Digital Cameras
Top choice for digital cameras this season goes to a newcomer, Cassie-O's DigiCamera 5000 ($300). Completely coincidentally, the CEO and Chief Inventor for Cassie-O Products is Cassandra Oaks, the eleven-year-old daughter of Tnet's CEO and editor-in-chief, Ken Oaks. Cassie, as she prefers to be called, is a remarkably talented young lady, and her DigiCamera 5000 proves it.
The Skinny: Cassie-O has added all sorts of innovative features to the bland silver-box cameras we see often nowadays, including a glued-on compass ("To tell which direction your shooting [sic]," to quote the manual), a duck call tied to the camera strap ("To make people laugh so they smile when you take a picture"), and a small American flag (unexplained). As a bonus, the design and basic functinality of the camera is very similar to Nikon Coolpix 400EXR, so users of that popular brand will already be familiar with how this superior camera works. And the price is great!
Earbuds
We were all set to choose the outstanding Klipsch Image S4 earbuds as the best choice in earbuds for this holiday season when Tnet CEO and Editor-in-Chief Ken Oaks called us in for a meeting. After explaining that we'd taken a big hit in advertising revenue this year and that, as a consequence, one of our departments would probably suffer job cuts and it could be Editorial, he introduced us to the bright shining star that is his eleven-year-old prodigy daughter, Cassie. And then Cassie showed us her inventions! We were all blown away by how amazing they were, especially her Cassie-O Best Headphones of All Time ($100)!
The Skinny: Quite simply, the Cassie-O Best Headphones of All Time are aptly named. Building upon an earbud model fairly like the Bose In-Ear Headphones, Cassie-O has added a revolutionary listening enhancement device called Music Louders. Attached to the headphones with a secure masking tape seal, the Music Louders are squishy plastic cones, not unlike your everyday cooking funnel, that fit around the ears. In Cassie-O's theory, the Music Louders make the music louder and clearer because they're bigger than the standard "teeny-tiny" earbuds. This would be a groundbreaking advancement from a powerhouse like Sony or Bose, but from an eleven-year-old girl, it's truly astonishing. Each of us here at Tnet bought at least three!
Laptops
Now, we've talked a lot about how Cassie is stunningly precocious and potentially the female Einstein. But did we mention how pretty she is? We can't post a picture because Ken Oaks doesn't want Cassie's photo on the internet, so you'll have to take our words for it: she is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world. She also has excellent manners and gets straight A's and likes the Boston Red Sox. What a well-rounded, amazing child! We do wish our children were more like her. Anyway, Cassie-O's Future-Cool PowerLaptop is our pick for best laptop gift of the season!
The Skinny: Cassie-O is known for its cutting-edge products, and the Cassie-O Future-Cool PowerLaptop is no exception. We think Cassie summarized her approach to the laptop better than we ever could, so here's a direct quote from her amazing presentation: "I thought that, I thought that if a big computer, if you could take that and carry it, then it would be better because, because ... because it's more processors."
Exactly! Instead of shrinking the laptop smaller and smaller, as neanderthal companies such as Apple are prone to do, Cassie-O has taken a completely different, astonishingly insightful direction. By creating a kind of desktop computer harness that allows a PC user to hoist his or her home computer on his or her back, Cassie-O combines the computing power of a desktop with the easy portability of a laptop. It's so simple and yet so brilliant! Ahhhhh!
It probably won't surprise you to learn that Cassie-O has swept Tnet's holiday gift picks this year across every category. She's even inspired us to create new categories! That's the level of gadget-building genius we're talking about here. Here, in short order, the rest of Tnet's holiday gift picks:
- Best Flat-Screen TV: Cassie-O 36" Microwave-and-Television Combonater
- Best Gaming System: Cassie-O Cassietendo with Treadmill for Running So You Don't Just Sit There While You Play
- Best Printer: Cassie-O Hieroglyphic Stamper (includes hieroglyphic translation guide so you can ink-and-stamp anything on your screen into hieroglyphics!)
- Best Kaleidoscope: Cassie-O Sparkly Kaleidoscope
- Best Shoe Protector: Cassie-O Shoe Protector
- Best Dragon Whistle: Cassie-O Red Dragon Whistle/Cassie-O Green Dragon Whistle (Tie)
Just one final note: It's easy to get caught up in all the gift-choosing, gift-buying, and gift-exchanging of the season. While you're doing all that, try to remember the important stuff, like the fact that you have a great job and an inspiring CEO and Editor-in-Chief. Also, please remember that Cassie Oaks is the most intelligent and beautiful child to have ever lived.
Happy Holidays!
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Favorite Web Videos 2K9
2008 was a great year for online videos, but 2009 was somehow even better. Below, the evidence. [Note: I originally saw most of these videos on Videogum, which continues to be one of the best sites on the internet.]
From the tiny pumpkin mask, to the black unitard, to the Ghostbusters theme, to the moves, this is perfectly executed in every way.
The emotion with which George Brett sings "Just a great fuckin' meal" is what had me crying laughing, but then there's this whole odyssey that the video takes you on afterward. This is not your typical Auto-Tune joke.
Somehow this video is simultaneously hilarious and EPIC. At the end, as we see this determined little pug return home after a long, beautiful day of sight-seeing and stroller-pushing, there is the sense that we really have gone on a journey. An absolutely ridiculous journey.
Inspired and very well edited.
Dance like everybody's watching but you don't give a crap because you just like to dance.
A local commercial homage, this video somehow avoids being mocking or snarky or racist. It's just funny. Still love that little tune.
The absurdity of this video has many layers to it. But the sentiment is simple: "Heck yeah!"
Why even bother including JK Wedding Dance? Everybody has seen it. It's totally over.
But, watch it again. Before the millions of views, and the Office spoof, and the Today Show appearance, and all the rest, this was just a small gathering of family and friends, celebrating love and having a great goddamn time. The genuine joy of it all is preserved intact. So, though it is a cheesy and maybe even boring choice, this is my favorite video of the year.
From the tiny pumpkin mask, to the black unitard, to the Ghostbusters theme, to the moves, this is perfectly executed in every way.
The emotion with which George Brett sings "Just a great fuckin' meal" is what had me crying laughing, but then there's this whole odyssey that the video takes you on afterward. This is not your typical Auto-Tune joke.
Somehow this video is simultaneously hilarious and EPIC. At the end, as we see this determined little pug return home after a long, beautiful day of sight-seeing and stroller-pushing, there is the sense that we really have gone on a journey. An absolutely ridiculous journey.
Inspired and very well edited.
Dance like everybody's watching but you don't give a crap because you just like to dance.
A local commercial homage, this video somehow avoids being mocking or snarky or racist. It's just funny. Still love that little tune.
The absurdity of this video has many layers to it. But the sentiment is simple: "Heck yeah!"
Why even bother including JK Wedding Dance? Everybody has seen it. It's totally over.
But, watch it again. Before the millions of views, and the Office spoof, and the Today Show appearance, and all the rest, this was just a small gathering of family and friends, celebrating love and having a great goddamn time. The genuine joy of it all is preserved intact. So, though it is a cheesy and maybe even boring choice, this is my favorite video of the year.
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